Complicated

All I can say is that everything in my life is getting each time more complicated. Maybe it's normal and things are gonna go back to how they were. Maybe not. But I have hope that things will change and I'll make my best so it can happen. Need to go know. Write latter.

Who I am and who will I be

Well, I've been reading some of you comments and realized that you can't change who you are. But being who you are is very complex. In which moment of life do you know who you really are? I don't know. Each day I discover something new about myself. Something I thought I didn't have or didn't like. Maybe I didn't, and now I do. I think our personality is changing moment, every step that we take, every move we make. I don't think anymore that a 12 year old girl needs to now exactly her personality. I'm stronger now, and prepared for coming back to school. I mean, what's the worst thing that can happen to me. I talked to Anna, and to Carla. I think I'm prepared to deal with them. And most importantly, deal with myself. I'm not gonna quit writing here. I love this and it's not the audiencie or the lack of comments that are going to bring me down. I realized I don't need to choose when I can have everything. Why choose black or white if both colors exist? I'm not choosing or quiting anything anymore. This IS my life. I'm going to make it 'happen'. And you guys should do the same.

Kisses,

Blake

Don't ever give up

Today I had the proof that, if you really really really want something, you should go for it because if you want it from the deep of your soul, you'll get it. I started working some weeks ago because I want to do a hair extension until Saturday. Today my mom said it wouldn't be possible because it was too expensive and she just couldn't afford. That minute I ran to my bathroom and started crying like a little kid. I was the disappointed so much because I used to believe that when you go truly for something you can have it. But hours later, I was talking to my dad and he said he would lend me money so I could do my hair extension. Of course, I'll need to pay him and I'll continue working to pay my mom. But if some weeks ago you asked me if I thought I was prepared to work and own my money I would say ' I'm to young for this '. Life showed me, I'm not. So don't give up on your dreams. Luck can help but you need to go for it. Luck is just half a way, you need to go for the other half.

Kisses,

Blake

Guys, I'm almost giving up

Nobody enter my blog, you people don't tell anyone! I thought that more teenagers like me where out there but I guess no. It's kin of strange I'm saying this now, because my next post will be about not giving up on your dreams. But nobody cares about this blog so I think I'm just gonna stop posting. If no one says anything until the end of the week I'll stop. I love writing, but I like it when somebody feels the same and wants me to continue. I think it's a good bye.

Kisses,

Blake

Need you now

I'm thinking about coming back to school. I mean, I'm tired of being outside the world. I miss John so much. I mean, just seeing him everyday and seeing he smile at me. I miss that. But at the same time I don't miss the mean girls. At all. When I remember how untrue is Catherine and how stupid and self-showing is Julia I just don't want it anymore. So, I'm consufed. Again. And I'm with a terible headache thinking about these things. I love him. I hate them. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to look superior and not begging for them to accept me but it isn't easy. I want to come back and have a social life again. It's just a price to high, I don't know if I can afford it. Getting together with those lesbians, and mean girls, and stupid guys, and the guy I love. I'll think about it... I just wanted him here with me. I wanted him to call me or email me. Whatever. Bye guys.

Kisses,

Blake

New home, new style, new life

The day is finally getting close. First of October (if everything goes alright) I'll be moving to my new apartment :):) I decided that with a new apartment I would change my style, my life, and the way I see the world. I have short hair so I'm gonna make it longer. I'm into a Jenny transition, haha. This will be a full and exciting weekend with lots of changes, I mean good changes. I am just so happy I'm moving in that I just can't wait anymore. I really really hope everything goes alright. Well I think at least my friendship with Melanie is going well. I was so worried it didn't go well and I think I even went kind of paranoid with this. But I'm well today and tomorrow I'll be meeting Melanie's second best friend: Carmen. I hope she likes me! Because I'm so nervous, haha. Need to go now.

Kisses,

Blake

What happened to USA??

Guys, I'm so sad about this. I mean, girls of USA were my biggest and strongest audience and now I checked it out and only 9 persons from here entered my blog. Please help me telling people about my blog. If you like it, help me. Because my blog is who I am. I'm writing from my heart and you all know it. If you're bored already send me suggestions of what to talk about ok? USA you're my country please help me. Facebook: Blake Cornelia Hampton / Twitter: @blakechampton / Formspring: blakeitsmylife and Hotmail: blake-hampton@hotmail.com Please guys don't give up on me ok? Thanks.

Kisses,

Blake

Life like in films

God, how I wished life was like in films. It would be so much easier. Knowing that everything would be ok in the end would help so much! I'm so divided because I'm not sure anymore if life can be like in films or not. The thing is my own brain has so many different opinions that hearing only myself is already really confusing. I want to be the protagonist of my life but I don't really know if I can. People say that just being myself will make everything work out right. But what can I do when I don't even know who I really am or want. I want to change everything but I don't know how exactly. I'm discovering myself but it isn't easy at all. I'm moving to my new apartment next week and I'm full of hope that a new apartment will bring me new (good) things. I feel as I didn't have a social life but I guess it's because of homeschooling. It's kind of a choice I made. I mean, I don't know I really really really confused! I'll try getting some sleep and tomorrow I'll write more when I'm not so confused anymore.

Kisses,

Blake

Your love is my drug

I'm totally and completly in love with my classmate John. I don't know how or why but destiny brought us together yesterday at BRAZIL! God, love is definiltly complicated. I met him eight months ago. I tried to forget him and tried to like someone else, but the thing is, when you fall in love is for good. No returns. I'm thinking of already telling him that I love him. He's like the most popular guy in school  and maybe people will think I'm so nonsense of telling him: I LOVE YOU. Unfortunatly, it's the truth! But you know what? I don't matter what those bitches will all say and all the gossip that maybe even he will tell. I'm gonna spill it out once and for all and damn it all the rest. I didn't actually have a chance. He's charming, nice, a gentelman. When he looked he in my eyes I just couldn't take it. Well, now I'm really going. Love is complicated. Maybe will won't ever be together. Maybe all the looks and the times he pretended not to miss me was just an ilusion. Maybe, I'm really crazy! Kkk. Gotta go.

Kisses,

Blake

Reality

R-e-a-l-i-t-y. This word really scares and confuses me. What is reality? What isn't? Forget everything I said about fashion because I really don't think I'm over it yet. Personality. That's another word that kind of freaks me out. Who I am? Who will I become? So many questions in my head but nobody answers what I want them to. I mean I'm not even really sure of what I want. Guys, I'm not sure at all! I try to talk to people like my mom but they're so into this little word: reality. Everything is related to it. I mean, I understand that they think that way but I'm confused. I want people to tell me recomforting things. Like, everything will be all right. Or, I don't know, whatever. Tomorrow I'm back in New York. My home city. The place I thought was my dream place. But I don't really know if changing my hair, or buying new clothes or even moving to a new place will help. Maybe. Maybe not. I'm really really really confused. People tell me different things. Melanie thinks I have a point, my mom desagrees. Seriously I'm already thinking that my mom is getting tired of my dilemas. She asks people to watch me and then says quietly to the person it not easy. Damn it! It isn't for me either. It isn't for anyone. And now my mom kind of quit her job and I am feeling so, so guilty for it. I feel she's changing her life and maybe even giving up on her dreams for me. You know what? Maybe I'm just nuts! Crazy. I don't know. I'll try to get to sleep. Here in Brazil it's 00:06 am. Bye bye guys.

Kisses,

Blake

Fashion World

This weekend will be almost totally dedicated to fashion. I'm at Brazil, a wonderful place I can afirm, and this weekend I'm going to meet who discorvered Giselle Büinchen (I really don't know how to write it haha) so I'm going to tell everything to you guys. Tomorrow I'm going to a elite party. But relaaax, there won't be anyone of my class there. I mean, I wouldn't be sad if John (the guy I'm in love with) showed up! Haha. I'm going with Melanie and I'm sure will have a lot of fun. Wait and I'll tell you everything about fashion. I just need to be updated haha. Need to go now guys.

Kisses,

Blake

What do you think about my new design?

Trying something new. Just like I told you. Tell me if you like this background.

Kisses,

Blake

Doing things just for fun

You know? I'm tired of always doing things and activities to get to somewhere. People tell me to use my blog to promove myself. Try getting in the arts world that's where I wanna be. But you know what? I'm tired of always planning where to go and how to get there. I'm gonna change everything. Try new things. I don't know what I want for my future but if I have a chance I'm going to have completly different expierences now. I'm gonna start a chef preparatory class, I'm going to vocal classes, gonna start going to the gym, go to a designing workshop. And the best is that I'll do these things just for now. Just for doing it. I think we need to try to make life easier. Because it's difficult and complicated, but we can do nothing with that. Laying on a chair and seeing life pass by is definitly not in my plans. And I think at least that, I can change. I'm gonna for it. And "it" in this case is life. My life.

Kisses,

Blake

Everything different

You know that feeling that you have that you're going the wrong way? Well, I'm feeling like that now. I wanna change everything. I'm going in a direction I don't want to go. I want to live new experiences. Travel to places I don't travel to often. I want to take the risk and go for it. I wasn't born to be commanded. I was born to be different and maybe even command. I have the feeling of changing everything. Change my hair, my clothes, my ATITUDES. I'm not gonna let people decide what to do with MY life. I'll do everything it takes but I don't want to be afraid anymore. I am the protagonist of my life. I decide where to go from here.

Kisses,

Blake

Evil just like them

I'm so tired of being all nice with my "friends". Today makes one month I'm not going to school and just today someone called me! I mean, demanded that I called HER! God, I'm sick and tired of these people. Their annoying voices on the celphone, and how they talk about their lives as if it is a perfect TV show, when it's not. I trusted a girl called Anna, and she let me down. Today she talked to me oddering me to come back to school. And I just said: "Ok, I do what's possible". Go to hell dear Anna. You lyied to me, used me, embaressed me. You don't diserve my friendship. Well be sure I'm not coming back and that my social life will get better each day. I will proove myself that I can live very well without you. Saturday Melanie is coming here and we are going to a fashion show. We are going to have fun and I have an appointment with the guy who discovered Giselle Büinbchen (I don't really know how to write her name haha). Have fun you guys. Forget who forgot you. Ignore who ingored you. Be yourself and forget all the rest.

Kisses,

Blake

Shopaholic

Maybe, each one of us is kind of a shopaholic. I mean, not crazy for shopping or things like that. But who doesn't like to go into a store, with all that sweet smell of new clothes and shoes, and that music playing softly making you feel you're in a real film. And actually, you are. In the film of your life. I love shopping. Having new clothes makes me feel cleaner. Kkk. I mean each person has her own style. Shopping defines your style. By the type of shoe you buy, or the color of the blouse you wear, you can show people who you are and what you like. Personality. Be yourself. People will really like you for who you are. Forget all the rest, forget what people will say. Don't do what people you actually hate tell you to. Follow your heart and it will all be alright :) :)

Kisses,

Blake

A special thanks to Blake Lively

God, Blake thank you. When I sended a tweet to you I was praying and hoping that you would see it and send to people. But I didn't really believe I diserved so much you're time. You prooved me that if you go after your dreams you will make them true. So thank you so much Blake. Thank you for helping me to believe more in me. You're wonderfull :) :) Thank you.

Kisses,

Blake

Guys you don't imagine

God, it's so difficult to know if you like what I write because you all never tell me. I mean I'm writing here almost everyday and trying to help me and you. Please help me. I've already told you: Life knowcked me down, but I'm choosing to get back up. But I need your help. I'm having bullying at school. I mean I was because I'm doing homeschooling now. I'm turning my life around trying to be myself, but I want to know if you like me. If you like the way I really am. So please guys, tell me. Email me: blake-hampton@hotmail.com or follow me on twitter: @blakechampton. I mean please just show me you're there. That you like what I'm writing and tell me what to write about. I can help you but I NEED your help also. Be back later.

Kisses,

Blake

We can't back down

Don't ever give up. It's our live guys, this is serious. When something wrong is happening you can just pretend you aren't seeing it. We've already gone to far to back down. We won the most important prize. Life. We can't be granted for it because we did fight for it. And what a fight! Kkk. I hate my school, I 'm sick, I can't sleep well, I feel I'm only complicating peoples' lifes, but still, I want to live. Because I promised myself I would never walk away. I've made my choice 12 years ago. I'm gonna fight until the end. I won't worry so much of what is going to happen. And why I am so inspired? I heard like a thousand times the music: "Can't Back Down". Of Camp Rock 2- The Final Jam. What matters is to be happy. Forget the rest.

Kisses,

Blake

So many opinions...

God, I don't know more what to think. My opinion changed completely since my last post! I guess life is the responsible for that. So many things changed. I mean everything changed. Everything is changing and will continue. Life is so complicated but so easy at the same time! I don't really know what to say. I'm confused. I guess all of you have already been confused like me. But I'm sure of one thing. I wanna be the protagonist of my film. I mean, of my life. God I am so tired. I went to sleep 2:00 am yesterday! And I woke up at 7:00 am!! Well, guess everything has problems. It's life. My life, your life, her life. Ok, I need to go. Follow me on twitter (: @blakechampton. Love you all, thanks for everything.

Kisses,

Blake

The Devil Wears Prada

I just love this film. The fashion and Paris and New York, I mean it's perfect. I made think about in which world I wanna live. And you know what? I think maybe, I want a crazy life. Like in films. I don't know, but I've decided something. I'm not gonna think much about it now. I'm going to a summer camp next summer, and take drama classes there. Until then, I'm going to live each day. I woke up this morning with hope. I saw the sun out there and felt myself thankful for having everying I need. Or almost everything. I was thinking, I've always been the kind of person that wants the blue dress, the pink dress, the yellow and the red dress. I mean, I don't focus on something I really want. I think for a long time I wanted everything because I felt I had nothing. It's kind of complicated. Kkk. But I'm going to make things easier. Today I'll shopping with my mom, go to the movies.. Have fun! Live everyday as if it was the last one. Don't ever leave things in the middle. Continue, even if it's hard. When you get there you'll feel so proud of yourself. And feel that all your effort was for something. Live your life instensly and I'll live mine.

Kisses,

Blake

Do you know what it's like...

"Do you know what it's like, to feel so in the dark. To dream about a life, where you're the shining star. Even though it seems, like it's too far away. You've to believe in yourself, it's the only way!" Well that defines exactly what I'm feeling right now. But the point is that I'm not even sure of what my dream is. I wanna scream, and shout. Try something, and show myself I am somebody in this world. That I have talents, and qualities. I mean... I'm not sure of what I want, but I really know what I don't. And living the life I'm living is definetly not being what I want it to be. I'm angry, nervous, scared, confused. I don't really know how to explain this. My feeling and hope is that shouting is going to make me feel better. But it's not. I feel like I'm in a dead end. Nowhere to go. No opportunities ahead. Just this same life I live. Everything in the future. I want PRESENT. I DON'T WANT THIS. OMG, I want to do something, I want to learn new things, meet no people, see a different culture. I'm sick and tired of these people here. I want more! Is it asking to much? I wanna be happy. Go away from here. Do something crazy, that for some people won't make sense. But for me it will. A lot.

Kisses,

Blake

Demi and I

Well seems that Demi Lovato and I have more things in common that I thought so. Just like she did, in seventh grade I'm begging my mom to have teachers at home and go away from school for a while, and get away from bullying. Her dream was to become a singer and actress because it's what she loves. And I feel the same way. She had her chance and became a star. I want mine. I want to show the world what I can do. And believe or not I'm good at it. All the circunstances saw no, but I saw yes. And the harder it can be, I won't give up. I feel I'm ready. Give me the chance and I'll show it. We need to think this way in life. Go after your dreams, no matters how impossible it seems to be. Nothing in life is impossible. And never say that you'll never be able to do something.

Kisses,

Blake

Good Girls Gone Bad

Do you know the feeling of wanting to do something out of the rules? Just for fun. A night out just to have fun and loose control of everything. I've always been a perfect daughter, perfect student, perfect friend, perfect everything actually (I mean in behavior). But I'm tired of being mommy's little girl. I'm not saying I'm gonna become a bitch or something like that, kkk. But I want to be more independent and show the world who I really am! So world, get prepared for me, because I'm coming in.

Kisses,

Blake

Don't be afraid to make your own mistakes

I wanna make my OWN mistakes. I wanna do my own things and go after dreams. If I fall, it's ok, but I know I'll be falling my own way. Stop hearing everyone. People won't make your mistakes for you, and they won't feel the pain when you fall down. But when it happens, you need to continue. Get up and face life with courage. Believe me, I know it isn't easy but it's life. And the thing I love the most is being alive. I want to be an actress, and singer. Two kind of impossible jobs. People keep saying: " You should be a doctor" or " You should be a journalist, because the acting world is too difficult!". And who cares if it's difficult? It's MY LIFE, MY MISTAKES, MY DREAMS. I'm gonna go after them, because what is life made of without dreams? I have mine. You have yours. The guy next door has his. In life we need to fight for things. Live your own life for yourself because we only have one chance. Don't live other peoples' lives if you don't want to. I've always had a feeling that my mom kind of corrected all the mistakes my grandma made, and now she doesn't really know how to deal with her own mistakes. Go for YOUR dreams and forget all the rest. Not literaly! Kkk. But do what you want, takes what it takes, because people won't do it for you.

Kisses,

Blake

It's a ladies' weekend...

Me and my mom, my mom and I. A perfect weekend. Just the two of us in a five star hotel, I mean could it be better? I've always been my mom's best friend and vice versa, but we didn't have much time to be together. But this will be a ladies' weekend. We'll go to the Spa, and to the best shopping malls, order room service for dinner, eat a delicious brunch at Castro's, I mean what else do need for the weekend? Well, I don't know if I'll can write tomorrow, but sunday, I promise I'll make and effort. Happy weekend everyone!

Kisses,

Blake

Time to go to sleep...

Well, I can say I'm freaking out. I can't explain really what I feel but it isn't good. Definitly not. I feel nervous, and sad and hopeless. I wanna sleep but at the same time I don't. My mom bought a yoga CD to try to make me sleep! But I think the only person that will really sleep here is her. I feel like if my life is nothing compared to millions of people that exist out there. I try not to think on what I'll be doing next, or how will it be home-schooling, but I can't help it. My brain is faster. What will I do to my life? I wanted to do something really different, like go to a designing class in Paris, or to a cooking class at Rome. I don't know, something different that makes me feel special. I want to disappear for a while and not be wondering if people notice I disappeared or not. Be myself, no matter what it takes. Well, now I'll listen to my yoga CD and try to sleep. Kkk. Shit. I hate not sleeping normally. But it's ok. I'll handle it, like I always do.

Kisses,

Blake

Is everything possible?

Yes. No. Maybe? Yeah, maybe. My dream is to be famous as a singer and actress, and that, one day, Demi Lovato sees this. Kkk. Well, it's possible. Difficult and unprobable but possible. In life, we need to believe we can, because if don't believe in ourselves, who will? The answer is nobody. You need to believe in yourself and show people you deserve it. You're already a winner. You won the hardest competition. Of being alive. That's really something. In that moment you didn't think that you would lose, or looked behind, or was afraid. Because you're life depended on that competition. You WANTED to be alive. So when you get all sad and hopeless, remember that. You are a winner, you are a human being because you fought for it. Fight and go for what you want. Life can knock us down, but we can choose to get back up. And I'll always choose to get back up.

Kisses,

Blake

Home-schooling

Life can be good. When something is hurting you, take it away from you. That is exactly what I am doing, taking school away from me. I mean, me away from school. And it is not because I am weak or afraid, its because I do not want to hurt myself anymore. My social life is getting better each day and I am really happier now. So I tell you, do not do what you dont want to.

Kisses,

Blake

What can you do when...

You feel you have already done everything possible? When you try so hard but it's not enough? When you feel like disappearing but there's no escape? Well, when that happens, you create a blog and hope that more than one person sees it. Because you are writing with your heart. You're opening yourself to people. Like I'm opening myself to you. Life in New York isn't so perfect as it seems. Specially in Mahantans elite, where people think that money and power are better than personality and honesty. Well I'm part of this elite. But I don't think like them. Before, I wanted to be queen, but now I realize that every queen falls from her thrown. You can make people love you, but you can make them fear you. Because one day, they will realise that they don't need you and then, they wont fear you anymore. I've choosen not to be queen. Just to live my life and make people love me for who I am. Monarchy isn't easy. Be a queen isn't also. But be nice and convice people that monarchy only works in films, isn't so hard. Or at least I hope so. Life can be as in films, but you need to be the protagonist of your own story. And that is what I'm trying to do.

Kisses,

Blake

I think I've finally found a TRUE friend

OMG, I think, maybe, just maybe, I have finally found a true friend that one day can maybe become my BFF. God, my dream was to have a friend that would represent to me what Serena represents to Blair and what Blair represents to Serena. And I think I've found this person. Somebody that already passed through my life when I was completely blind and I couldn't notice her like I notice now. Melanie, thank you. Thank you for being with me when I most needed, thank you for being my friend and love me for who I am =) Life made us get together again and I hope once and for all. You are the friend I've always dreamed of. You make me feel special and nice, and kind, and graceful. Thank you. And I want you to know that I will always be here when you need help. Even if my world is falling apart, I'll help to get your world back together. Always.

Kisses,

Blake

I Fell In Love With... MY COUSIN!

Ok, he is so amazing. He's beautiful, inteligent, nice.. I mean, everything he needs to make me fall in love with him! But he is my COUSIN. How can I be in love with someone of my own family?! Ok, maybe I'm not in love with him. OMG, what am I saying? I'm completly in love with him. His name is Mathew. Wonderful name right? Kkk. Please somebody help me, because I am really, really confused. Why is this happening to me? I mean, now I have two impossible loves. My cousin Mathew, adorable, and my classmate John, adorable also! But the worse is that I think I don't have any chances with any of them. Maybe I meant to be alone. Ok, I'm freaking out. But what can I do? It's my life. I need to handle it.

Kisses,

Blake

Who Am I

Hi everyone, I'm Blake Cornelia Hampton, I'm 12 years old but it seems like I am 14 or even 15. People say I'm beautiful, but I desagree, people say I'm inteligent, but I don't think so. Well sometimes I think I'm perfect but others I hate myself. I thought that writing what I feel here I could find help and even help girls that feel the same way I do. Oh, yeah. I life in New York City. Manhattan. I mean, Manhattan's elite. Cruel girls, beautiful guys that don't even look at you, and teachers that think their the kings of the world. Or at least of NYC. Feel yourselves free to ask anything, and I promise I'll do my best to answer. (:

Kisses,

Blake