Reality

R-e-a-l-i-t-y. This word really scares and confuses me. What is reality? What isn't? Forget everything I said about fashion because I really don't think I'm over it yet. Personality. That's another word that kind of freaks me out. Who I am? Who will I become? So many questions in my head but nobody answers what I want them to. I mean I'm not even really sure of what I want. Guys, I'm not sure at all! I try to talk to people like my mom but they're so into this little word: reality. Everything is related to it. I mean, I understand that they think that way but I'm confused. I want people to tell me recomforting things. Like, everything will be all right. Or, I don't know, whatever. Tomorrow I'm back in New York. My home city. The place I thought was my dream place. But I don't really know if changing my hair, or buying new clothes or even moving to a new place will help. Maybe. Maybe not. I'm really really really confused. People tell me different things. Melanie thinks I have a point, my mom desagrees. Seriously I'm already thinking that my mom is getting tired of my dilemas. She asks people to watch me and then says quietly to the person it not easy. Damn it! It isn't for me either. It isn't for anyone. And now my mom kind of quit her job and I am feeling so, so guilty for it. I feel she's changing her life and maybe even giving up on her dreams for me. You know what? Maybe I'm just nuts! Crazy. I don't know. I'll try to get to sleep. Here in Brazil it's 00:06 am. Bye bye guys.

Kisses,

Blake